Once and for all.

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According to Wikipedia and many published research papers, bullying is all about the power dynamic. It is a force or threat to abuse or intimidate other people and which keeps happening over some time with the intention to hurt someone, apparently due to an imbalance in power between the perpetrator and the victim. There are numerous articles on the internet where people have discussed their stories and how they either dealt with it or succumbed to it. There are certain studies undertaken and in one of the research papers published by The Indian Journal of Pediatrics, authors have reported a 53% prevalence of bullying in school. Yet another report suggests that 60% of students between the age of 8-14 years reported having experienced bullying and only 35% of parents knew that their children were being bullied which is a very disturbing number. A UNESCO report confirms that 1 in every 3 students has been bullied in school by their peers which include mental, verbal, and physical bullying. These numbers are just the tip of the iceberg because there are so many cases that never even see the light of day. People need to come out and speak about as it might make them feel a little less lonely and the fact that they are not the only ones who went through this or are going through this might help them in coping up with it.   

If you get bullied for a long time in school or workplace or any other place by your peers or other people, you develop trust issues. It leaves scars that do not heal even with time. Being a victim of school bullying for years, I cannot even begin to contemplate what exactly had happened in all those years with me. I always draw a blank when I try to recollect those memories because I have dumped those somewhere in my brain but the scars are still afresh. There are certain regrets in my life but the one that tops is not standing up to those people who scarred my childhood. The feeling of guilt still lingers. I sincerely hope talking about it will liberate me. I was skeptical about writing this, speaking about it openly, but let me get it out of my chest once and for all. 

Being a victim of school bullying or for that matter, any kind of bullying is not easy to deal with because somewhere you consider yourself responsible for the things happening to you. You convince yourself that you deserve to be treated badly. Your self-confidence, self-esteem, dignity everything is hampered and you stop thinking rationally. You stop loving yourself eventually and in extreme cases, it leads to severe depression, stress, anxiety, or even suicide. My case was not the worst but the torture was real to the kid who had to go through it. I used to come home every day complaining about those people to my parents. They probably tried their best to handle the situation but at the end of the day, I was left at the mercy of those creatures in the classroom because neither the teachers took it seriously. Nobody took any action against it and my bullies kept getting powerful with each passing day. Those sadist bastards enjoyed while I cried my eyes out. After one point I stopped complaining and suffered in silence which eventually turned out to be my biggest mistake. I admit some of the bad incidents happened due to my own stupidity of befriending with the wrong people and trusting them blindly. Some of them even tried to gaslight me. People disguised themselves as my well-wishers and back-stabbed me. I was in a bad space and became vicious to even those people who genuinely cared for me. People kept telling me not to be sensitive and touchy about everything happening around. I wish someone had told me otherwise. I wish someone had guided me through this. I wish I had talked to someone openly about this. 

I kept wondering all those years that what did I do to deserve this? After all, we all were kids. They too were people the same age as mine so what made them bully me every single day? Why did not I have any control over the situation? Why did I never confront them and stood for myself? There are innumerable questions that haunt me now and it is high time that I look for the answers. I probably will never find all the answers but the least I can do it talk about it and make sure the people around me do not go through this.  

Anyhow, let me get to the actual point of this blog and discuss all the learnings that I had from my personal experience. 

 

First of all, it is extremely important to talk about this openly with either your teachers, parents, siblings, or your friends or your colleagues whoever you will safe and comfortable with. Speak up. It is perfectly fine to feel fear but do not let it control you. Parents need to talk to their kids regularly and ask them if they are bullying someone or if they are being bullied by someone because in both cases the impact is extremely negative. 

Learn to 'spot' a bully and more importantly 'stop' a bully. 

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, consider yourself a victim because once you showcase yourself as a victim, people will be encouraged to repeat those actions because it is exactly how a bully gets his/her power.

It is NOT  your fault that people treat you badly. Try and introspect. If you find any fault within yourself, rectify it. Learn to be kind to yourself and others as well. 

Being a victim of bullying does not warrant you to treat other people badly. Be humble and be empathetic towards everyone. 

Self-acceptance is very crucial so parents must talk to their children and take them to professional counselors if the need be, irrespective of the fact that whether their kid is a bully or a victim. 

Forgiving and forgetting is a difficult choice but it is the only way to liberate yourself from all the negative feelings.  

Please please talk openly about this because today if you do not speak up your future generation might go through the same trauma and I am sure nobody wants that. Therefore, educate your kids. 

Sympathize but more importantly, empathize with people. Even those people who bully other people need an equal amount of help so instead of punishing them, talk some sense to them and be patient. 

This world is a brutal place and if you let it, it will crush you. Be strong and do not give up without a good fight. 

Lastly, I would like to convey a small message to the people who bullied me. 

Thank you for making me the person that I am today. You prepared me to face this cruel world. You guys taught me who my real friends are and who are wolves in sheep's clothing. You made me realize it is extremely important to take a stand for yourself and take stand for those people who cannot take stand for themselves. You taught me to be humble, grounded, and be as real and as empathetic as possible. I am what I am because of you and if given a chance I would not change anything except the fact that I will raise my voice every single time. I wish I could say "fuck you" but I recently ran out of it. I hope you produce a better generation unlike yourself and I hope your Karma does not haunt you. Love to all. Peace out ✌